Cure for the common cold

 I have a method that works every time.

Do this as soon as you notice a cold coming on - it works best. However, if you already have a cold, do it anyway - your cold will be less severe.

Call in sick. Buy a bottle of brandy, two liters of orange juice, some honey, a lemon, six cans of chicken broth (don't laugh) and a box of tissues.

Turn the phone off. Turn the heat up, put a hot water bottle in bed, draw a hot bath.

Have a hot soak in the bath while you're drinking a mug of hot brandy (two ounces of brandy, cup of water, bit of lemon and spoon of honey) and then pile into bed with the hot water bottle and sleep for 24 hours.

No getting out of bed unless for bathroom or to microwave a mug of broth or orange juice (with optional brandy - and don't overheat the orange juice, just warm enough to drink). The best way to do this is to have two thermos bottles next to your bed - one with hot brandy or brandy and orange juice and the other one with hot chicken soup. Or move the microwave next to your bed.

The sleeping and no getting out of bed part is crucial.

And yes, aspirin and vitamin C are allowed. I suspect whisky or rum will work as well, but I haven't tried those as brandy is my drink of choice. I would use this method even with children using smaller quantities of alcohol (have you read the ingredients on a bottle of Dimetapp?) 24 hours later you'll feel great. Guaranteed.